Being okay with me....

I have taken a little time this week to do a little bit of soul searching. I am a person who sometimes lacks the confidence that I try to always portray. This past week I have been thinking about the choices I have made in life and where I am because of those. I have come to a conclusion. I love who I am. I am "mommy". That title is one that I am extraordinarily proud of holding. As of the end of July, it will be 4 years since I decided to stay home and raise our children. It was the most selfless decision I think I ever made, yet also the most selfish. I get to get up each day with my children. I get to be there for the good times and bad. I get to see the smiles in the morning and the meltdowns at nap time. If you had asked me when I was graduating college what I would be doing now, I don't know if I would answer being a mom. Yet, I am SO proud to call myself a mom. I came to this conclusion this past week after realizing that I would not be able to hang out with our friends for a long time at a birthday celebration. At first I was really bummed. Critter will not take a bottle. That is not an understatement. He will scream until he is red and completely sweaty when one is put into his mouth. Sometimes I get frustrated about how I can not leave the house without him for long periods of time. Then I thought about how my son needs me. I am his ONLY source of nutrition at the moment. That is not going to last for much longer. Those who know me and love me for who I am hopefully understand this. I came home last night after being able to go out for just a little bit and got to see the HUGE smile on Critter's face. All he knows from me is love and nurturing. I got to give Pumpkin a good night kiss and hug. These kids of mine are growing like weeds. Each day they each learn something new. They each grow a little more each day. Soon enough Pumpkin will be in school and gone from me for a few hours a week. Before I know it, I will be able to start on a new path for myself. For now, I am beyond content to say that I am a stay at home mom. My children are my life. That does not say I don't exist without them. Yet, I live my life to make them proud to call me their mom.

I think this was all a really important realization for me at this point in my life. I can not really remember what it is like to work outside the house full time. I can not really imagine what I will do once both kids are in school and I have quite a bit of time on my hands. I am really in the middle of those times. I am happy to be a mommy. I am happy to be me. Through the frustrating moments of parenting I need to remember this. My children learn through my actions, words and emotions. I want them to know that I happily made this choice for them and myself. I believe that it is truly important to accept and honor the place we are in life. If we can not do that, then maybe some changes need to be made. I am thankful each day for the sacrifices Hubby made almost 4 years ago so I could go down this ever changing road. I hope and pray that my loved ones can feel the same joy from their lives as I get to. I am mom and I am proud! :)

The munchkins that made me who I am today!
I love how they love each other! He looks at her with such love and admiration...
Those eyes melt my heart each day!
Pure joyous smile due to bubbles. The joy in life should always be found from such simple things...