A special weekend

Hubby and I had a great weekend two weeks ago. My parents took the kids from Friday-Sunday and we got to have some kid-free time! We went to a movie, out to dinner, out with friends and did some things around the house. It was my birthday weekend. It was one of the few birthdays I have spent without my parents, so it was a little strange. But...Hubby sometimes knows what he is talking about. It was nice to relax and do things at our pace for just 2 days. Much more than that and I would have been going through withdrawals and my parents would have been crazy! :) So..thank you mom and dad for watching the kids. It was nice to celebrate with you a day late though!

Thank you also to the friends who came out to spend some time with us. I don't know what I would do without all of you in my life. You bring so much love, kindness, laughter and friendship. You are the family I got to choose and I love each of you. Thank you for taking the time to come out and celebrate with me. You made my day so sweet and special!

Of course I got to celebrate with the kids on Sunday. Another year older.....and I hope a little wiser! :)

The heat must be getting to us....

or we just have crazy kids to like to make faces for me and my camera. They were being total goofballs at the end of dinner the other night and I just had to capture them on camera. They are goofballs, but they are mine! :)

Trying to be like Papa

I love the fact that my kids love my parents and learn loads from them. I would like to think they are learning the big lessons from my dad....

Being great at math

Learning coordination by playing golf

Having a great sense for business

and many more things.

But...it seems like Pumpkin is learning some of the other things from Papa. Last summer it was getting pneumonia. Apparently this summer....it is.....

Spraining her left ankle!

Oh yes...that is her rather largely swollen ankle after playing at our favorite place. It is actually amazing that she has not done this sooner in life, and yes I know she is only 4 1/2 but she is MY child! She would not walk on it Wed. when she did it. By Thursday she was hobbling around with this brace on. By Friday...you would never know anything was wrong. It has been a week and it is still black and blue, but you would never know why!

She was actually quite proud of this bandage on her foot. I also love how Critter is behind her doing the same thing as she is! Pretty much anything she does, he tries to do. What can I say, we lead pretty exciting lives around here! :)

Where has time gone!

I am not sure where time has gone! I have had these great pictures from the 4th for awhile, yet it is now the 22nd! Now I remember, we have had a new roof put on and remodeling done on the inside of the house...and are still living in chaos! That is why my head is in the clouds. Anyway...I wanted to try to catch up a little and had these great pictures from the 4th. Hubby was of course working, so we went up to my parents house for the weekend. It was a nice, relaxing (as relaxing as you can get with my two kids), enjoyable weekend. The kids love it there, as do I. Thanks Mom and Dad for having us up.

My mom loves to have projects for Pumpkin. She got to decorate the cupcakes with red, white and blue sprinkles. Yes, my mom is a little bit nuts....but the kids have a great time!
Pumpkin and my mom took a special trip to the library and Pumpkin got some books on CD as well as some music. We walked in the room and saw her like this....all I can think of is seeing her like this as a teenager! Where did my baby girl go....

The rare picture of me and the kids

He does love his sweets, just like sister and mommy :)

Pumpkin has been taking swimming lessons from a friend of mine this summer. Father's Day weekend was the first time she wanted to swim by herself. By now she can take breaths and go all the way across the pool. She loves the water and loves to swim!

Critter was "helping" to make the frosting and decorate. Really all he wanted to do was eat the cupcake....with the paper on!

It feels good to start the catch up process. More to come...

Honesty

I realize I usually use this as a space to tell stories about the kids and our life. This helps me remember things as they happen and so I can scrapbook when i have the chance! :) I do need to be honest with myself and realize I need to sometime use this space as a way to clear my thoughts and acknowledge how I am feeling. So...here it goes:

Motherhood is bringing me to my knees with the realization I can not protect my children from everything in this world. I know that is a blanket statement, but it has been a rough day. I had to see the blood of both of my children today. That is not something I want to have to do. Pumpkin has been having "belly ache" issues for a little more than 2 months now. We have gone through all the regular testing at her doctor and now are seeing a GI. We had our first appointment today and are running another gamete of tests. The poor girl did not make the weight limit to take all the blood needed for the tests in one sitting. So...I had to take her today to get blood drawn and again on Monday or Tuesday. Having to bear hug my little girl while she is screaming for people to stop hurting her broke my heart.

I know these things are necessary, but I feel like I am causing my child harm. I am the one bringing her to these appointments. I am the one holding her while she is being pricked and prodded. Yes, I realize it is to help her escape her pain. Yes, I know it will help solve this problem. Yes, I know this is the role of a parent. But...it does not make it any easier.

I can not get over the feeling of not being able to protect Critter. I almost had to bring Critter back to the ER for a fall and head wound. This time we were all sitting together. Pumpkin, Critter and I were sitting on her bed. Pumpkin wanted to pray with her Mary statue and Critter wanted to sit next to her. We were having a really nice moment....and then Critter fell. He just toppled over the side of her bed. Of course one of her drawers on her dresser was not fully closed. He caught the point of the drawer an inch or so above his ear. He let out the blood curtailing scream and started bleeding. I just felt helpless. Luckily, it stopped bleeding really quickly and looked just like a small bump. But, for those few minutes while waiting it out....all I could picture was bringing him to the hospital, again.

I have never felt so powerless in my life.

I feel powerless over the love I feel for my children.

I feel powerless over things happening to them I can't control.

I feel powerless over what the future holds for them.

I feel powerless about just about everything.

I know I can not put my kids in a bubble. I want them to experience the fullest life they can possibly have. I realize that means they are going to get hurt and make mistakes in life. I am their mother. I am here to give them a shoulder to cry on, a lap to sit on and a hug whenever they need it. I can not help but want to protect them from the world, or at least anything sharp that can cause bleeding! :)

In any parenting or mothering book I have read, they can not accurately describe these feelings. I would like to say I wished someone had warned me, but I would not have believed them if they had told me. There is more joy and love than I could have imagined with this journey of motherhood. On the other side of that coin is the fear, pain and nerves that have to balance the joy and love. I wish I could brush off the hard feelings, but I can't. The only thing I can do is acknowledge them and try to be a better mother. So, I guess I will toast to this experience today and just wait for the next one ( I just really hope there is no more blood tomorrow ).